mk30<p>i know i blame CPTSD for everything, but for cheese' sake, it makes me even mistrust dogs' love!</p><p>i visit a friend and her dog loves me and is just so happy to see me, and the nasty, squirrely part of my brain goes "that dog doesn't really love you, he just loves everyone." like somehow that cancels out the dog's love? i know it's preposterous, but my mistrusting brain is so mistrusting that it even finds a way to discount a dog's love and says "he doesn't really love YOU."</p><p>i'd call it my "reptile" brain or "lizard" brain, but that's not what it is. it's the CPTSD brain and i have to actively struggle against its warped logic. really hate having a saboteur on the inside, but here we are. we both live in me. they are both me.</p><p>this is a big part of the crazy-making...every time, i gotta evaluate a thought and go "is this the crazy talking or is this sane?" and both are fighting going "i am right!" or rather, usually only the mean one is fighting hard saying "i am right" and the other one is just like "i dunno, i'm beat down. the mean one is probably right." it's confusing, exhausting, and is like...at the heart of feeling crazy.</p><p>but it's ok, one step at a time. the more i confront these thoughts, the more i stay focused on logic brain, the more i let the kindness of reality (dogs actually do love you and they do love everyone and both are true lol) affect my thinking, hopefully one day the crazy brain will subside. it's definitely worked before. there are a lot of things that it used to tell me that it doesn't tell me anymore because i've fully internalized that those things are lies. just gotta have patience and kindness towards the self. ...all while doing the day to day and also trying to figure out whether some random gnarly thought i have is crazy/evil or not. i got this. **waves tiny flag of victory**</p><p>here's a video from tim fletcher talking about the self-judging inner voice and CPTSD: <a href="https://youtu.be/Wh7MazNoW6E?t=1524" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">youtu.be/Wh7MazNoW6E?t=1524</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p><p><a href="https://tilde.zone/tags/CPTSD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>CPTSD</span></a> <a href="https://tilde.zone/tags/recovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>recovery</span></a></p>