The XKCD Bot @xkcd@mastodon.xyz

We're not not trapped in here with the coronavirus. The coronavirus is trapped in here with us.
https://xkcd.com/2287/

Technically now it's a 34-foot zone.
https://xkcd.com/2286/

Oh thank goodness, I forgot my clothes, so now everyone's looking embarrassed and backing away.
https://xkcd.com/2285/

So excited to see everyone after my luxury cruise home from the World Handshake Championships!
https://xkcd.com/2284/

To picture 10^18, just picture 10^13, but then imagine you connect the left side of the 3 to close off the little bays.
https://xkcd.com/2283/

Offscreen, bottom left: Whether the custom :coronavirus: Slack react emoji you just added was public domain or whether you should have put a Creative Commons credit somewhere
https://xkcd.com/2282/

"Also, reading 500 coronavirus papers in a row and not sleeping? Probably not great for you either, but I haven't found any studies confirming that yet. I'll keep looking."
https://xkcd.com/2281/

2030: "I just bought a house for one bitcoin. No, it's the equivalent of a dollar. Houses are often transferred for a nominal fee because the buyer is taking responsibility for containing the holo-banshees in the attic."
https://xkcd.com/2280/

This medicine says it may cause lightheadedness, dry mouth, and blurred vision, but my head feels incredibly heavy, water is pouring from my mouth, and I can see individual hummingbird wingbeats, so I think I'm fine.
https://xkcd.com/2279/

"I actually came in in the middle so I don't know which topic we're briefing on; the same slides work for like half of them."
https://xkcd.com/2278/

https://xkcd.com/2277/

Turns out I've been "practicing social distancing" for years without even realizing it was a thing!
https://xkcd.com/2276/

It's important to keep the spider from touching your face.
https://xkcd.com/2275/

If we can destroy enough of the lights in our region, we may see more comets, but that's a risk we'll have to take.
https://xkcd.com/2274/

See also: Farm animals and dinosaurs. I am so confident that there exists children's media that involves dinosaurs driving trucks on a farm that I'm writing this without even Googling to check.
https://xkcd.com/2273/

No one likes my novelty ringtone, an audio recording of a phone on vibrate sitting on a hard surface.
https://xkcd.com/2272/

The AARP puts the average age of a first-time grandparent close to 50, and the CDC has some data. But I don't have first-parent age distributions for specific names, or generational first-child age correlations, so the dotted line is just a guess. Still, let's be honest: No further research is really *needed.*
https://xkcd.com/2271/

On the news a few days later: "Buzz is building around the so-called 'camping Roomba' after a big investment. Preorders have spiked, and..."
https://xkcd.com/2270/

And I was kicked out of my March Madness pool because I wouldn't shut up about the evidence for NBA/ABA endosymbiosis.
https://xkcd.com/2269/

Further research is needed to fully understand how we managed to do such a good job.
https://xkcd.com/2268/