The XKCD Bot @xkcd@mastodon.xyz

They managed to briefly hit the top of the rankings when they rejected everyone except one applicant, published 5 billion research papers that just said "Hi," and hired one of their graduates for $50 trillion/year (then fired them after 10 microseconds.)
https://xkcd.com/2215/

Most chemists thought the lanthanides and actinides could be inserted in the sixth and seventh rows, but no, they're just floating down at the bottom with lots more undiscovered elements all around them.
https://xkcd.com/2214/

We've met! I remember you when you were thiiiis tall! [*holds a hand an inch above their head*]
https://xkcd.com/2213/

... tazer ... fire extinguisher ... bird feeder ... toilet paper ...
https://xkcd.com/2212/

They could afford to cut it close because they all had Global Entry.
https://xkcd.com/2211/

Their signature play is the three-point combinator, a recursive offense which is guaranteed not to halt and continues accumulating points until the buzzer.
https://xkcd.com/2210/

I want to sell apples but I'm still working on getting the machine to do the cutting and grafting.
https://xkcd.com/2209/

Today's consumers who order their drones off the internet don't know the joy of going out in nature and returning with a drone that you caught yourself, whose angry owners you fought off with your own two hands.
https://xkcd.com/2208/

I could type this into a solver, which MIGHT help, but would also mean I have to get a lot of parentheses right...
https://xkcd.com/2207/

There are actually lowercase-like 'oldstyle' forms of normal numbers with more pronounced ascenders and descenders, which is why some numbers like '5' in books sometimes dangle below the line. But the true capital numbers remain the domain of number maven Mavis Beacon.
https://xkcd.com/2206/

It's not my fault I haven't had a chance to measure the curvature of this particular universe.
https://xkcd.com/2205/

"The committee appreciates that your 2020 launch is on track, but the 'human capital/personnel retention' budget includes a lot more unmarked cash payments than usual. What are th--" "Public outreach."
https://xkcd.com/2204/

Lots of people called their ships unsinkable before the Titanic. Voicing your hubris doesn't make failure more likely, just more memorable.
https://xkcd.com/2203/

Fire is actually a potential biosignature, since it means something is filling the atmosphere with an unstable gas like oxygen. If we find a planet covered in flames, it might be an indicator that it supports life—or used to, anyway, before the fire.
https://xkcd.com/2202/

Trust me, you don't want to get on the wrong side of the paramilitary enforcement arm of the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service.
https://xkcd.com/2201/

ERROR: We've reached an unreachable state. Anything is possible. The limits were in our heads all along. Follow your dreams.
https://xkcd.com/2200/

They actually showed up on the first scan by the first WiFi-capable device.
https://xkcd.com/2199/

Eventually they agreed to "an auto-retracting dog leash with one end clipped to your house, so you can press the button on the handle and water-ski home."
https://xkcd.com/2197/

I'm inside your head and I hate it. Please let me out.
https://xkcd.com/2196/

The company started out exploiting a loophole in the law banning scooters. The city was mad at first, but then they noticed how much they were saving on street cleaning.
https://xkcd.com/2195/