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Mr Loggins, if you have intel relating to a so-called "Danger Zone" which could pose a threat to the safety of American citizens it is your duty to disclose its precise coordinates to this subcommittee

Pinned toot

If I was Scott Adams it would really piss me off that not many people seem to be naming their children "Dilbert"

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The reason airlines don't let you into the cockpit is because they're afraid you'll catch the pilot smoking all those cigarettes they told you you weren't allowed to smoke

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Please, folks, I need you to boost as many of my toots as your operating system allows.
I'm on a mission.
A holy mission.
I need a platform from which to ask as many people as possible if they've seen a fan remake of the plane hijack scene from the Dark Knight Rises in which they couldn't afford to use an actual plane (or were perhaps too lazy to acquire one) and instead used a car.

Pinned toot

My understanding is that waluigi was just normal lanky guy who had no idea who Luigi was, met wario at a bar or something, and when wario said “this is what I’m into, if we’re going to get involved with each other I want you to be part of it” and then waluigi had to construct a whole wasona

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Hey guys, what’s up. It’s your boy Bobby s’Muda here to tell you about some new hot shot. That’s right, they finally came out with a seventh sigma and I got my hands on it.

I'm waiting for all those sailors to go on shore leave so we can see all the really good posts they've been thinking of while they're in those submarines

Keep boosting your awful toot I will never fave it I will never

Not saying this place has warped my brain or anything, but earlier I saw someone misspell "jealous" as "healous" and my brain immediately thought "yes, healous, this must be a Healyn bit of some kind, to be jealous of Healyn or to experience jealousy in a very Healyn way perhaps"

Everyone calm down! Alf is back and sexier than ever.

i know i have a lot of variants of my name floating around so i made a handy flowchart to disambiguate things

please get me to 800 followers, only then will god grant me a down payment for a lease to own 1986 Chevy Impala

yet more evidence that newspaper strips are generated via algorithm and the artist just has to try to draw panels that represent the words FunnyBot9000 shits out

Still so glad to be on Mastodon, the only website on the internet that allows naked images and further-huh?
What? Really? I see.
Folks, something very interesting has been brought to my attention, very interesting indeed. Excuse me.

🎶 If you wanna be my brother,
Yer ma's gotta get with my dad 🎶

i always confuse Sisyphus with the jerkoff who flew too close to the sun

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Generalistic and moderated instance. All opinions are welcome, but hate speeches are prohibited. Users who don't respect rules will be silenced or suspended, depending on the violation severity.