the King baby @CoughingSound@mastodon.xyz

Mr Loggins, if you have intel relating to a so-called "Danger Zone" which could pose a threat to the safety of American citizens it is your duty to disclose its precise coordinates to this subcommittee

If I was Scott Adams it would really piss me off that not many people seem to be naming their children "Dilbert"

The reason airlines don't let you into the cockpit is because they're afraid you'll catch the pilot smoking all those cigarettes they told you you weren't allowed to smoke

Please, folks, I need you to boost as many of my toots as your operating system allows.
I'm on a mission.
A holy mission.
I need a platform from which to ask as many people as possible if they've seen a fan remake of the plane hijack scene from the Dark Knight Rises in which they couldn't afford to use an actual plane (or were perhaps too lazy to acquire one) and instead used a car.

Me, inevitably, whenever someone is even slightly nice to me

I keep my tin-foil in my foil tin

Mueller Report, Game Of Thrones, Avengers, Star Wars trailer -> this month on online, whatever you're into, there's a Discourse for that

My Posts Are Garbage And Here's Why

fave this and to be honest I'll probably fall asleep in the next few minutes, I'm very tired

UP TOWN GURL, YOU KNOW SHE'S LIVING IN HER UP TOWN WORLD

Please come back I miss you

Dancing on your own in your room to a set-list of your own choosing fucking rules, actually

Folks, I've been drinking

If I had some chickens I would simply wait until they hatch before counting them

Ahhh, fucked it, redraft, this is actually bad advice, shit, fuck

If I had some chickens I would simply not wait until they hatch before counting them