Pinned toot

Schrödinger's Boys are considered both back and not back in town

Pinned toot

An unexplored angle on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is that Willy Wonka is clearly a genius, the finest scientific mind of his generation, yet he focuses almost all of his efforts on manufacturing candy.
The temptation of big profits in the multimillion dollar candy-sector under the candy-capitalist system has drawn him away from more worthwhile pursuits and possibly corrupted him into the weird, weird dude that he is

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Mr Loggins, if you have intel relating to a so-called "Danger Zone" which could pose a threat to the safety of American citizens it is your duty to disclose its precise coordinates to this subcommittee

Pinned toot

If I was Scott Adams it would really piss me off that not many people seem to be naming their children "Dilbert"

Pinned toot

The reason airlines don't let you into the cockpit is because they're afraid you'll catch the pilot smoking all those cigarettes they told you you weren't allowed to smoke

What is holding a sword against this guy's neck supposed to accomplish?

Welcome to Tokyo-3 47, your target is a military commander named Gendo Ikari

I have information that will lead to the arrest of the Windows Setup Wizard

1940s DC executive: Hang on, we've given Batman and Superman's moms the name "Martha", seems a bit weird, should we change that?
Other exec, pocketing his cheque from the Illuminati: Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll never come up

Second-hand smoking that shit that popped the dot-com bubble

5 seconds into taking a piss: Hmm, this is taking a while
10 seconds: Hmm, really *taking the piss with this one* ha ha
15 seconds: This must be one of the longest pisses ever, does Guinness World Records do piss?
20 seconds: Fuck, will this ever end, is this my life now?

Smoking on that shit that made The Angry Video Game Nerd so angry

Queen's Gambit final scene spoilers 

Was she defecting to Russia, because they as a country had a greater respect for chess? My gut says no but damn if they didn't make it look that way

Bing bong
I have scheduled this toot to tell you that in my timezone it is now 4 am.
What time is it where you are? I don't know, you fucking tell me, asshole
Bing bong

Thanks to the ability to schedule toots, the barriers to enlistment into the have never been lower!

It's impressive that animal crossing has so many fish and bug puns but somehow not a single one of them is satisfying

I'm afraid, Mr Bond, that in this particular case it do be like that

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg is Will Riker's favourite book

Prime's doctors have stressed that Prime has mild symptoms, is well on the way to recovery, and may be out of the hospital tomorrow, and also that they've administered the transferal of the Matrix of Leadership.

Spoilers for the movie Inside Man 

What was the hole for? My dad is unconvinced by my theory ("shitting hole")

yeah linux is cool but does it have ransomware built in

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