Unboostable Kimmy Schmidt @CoughingSound@mastodon.xyz
He/him. I did Enron.
https://mastodon.social/@CoughingSound
I'm am Ra's al Glute
The butt of the demon
Not sure why they bother hardheartedly tiling the inside of underground tube stations in an attempt to disguise the fact that you're making your way through underground tunnels, a concept everyone agrees is badass
When greeting a fellow man, grasp his hand firmly and confidently. Pat him exactly three times on the shoulder while flashing your teeth, then go in for a robust embrace, squeezing with all your might, tightening your grip with each breath he exhales. First one to pass out loses.
I write all my toots with one hand voluntarily behind my back, so as to intimidate my rivals with my confidence
@CoughingSound I don't, just for clarity
I need keyhole brain surgery like I need a hole in the head
If we’re lucky we’ll die doing what we love - scrolling
I have a fanny pack full of souls, but there’s always room for one more.
-me, flirting
Apologies for the self-boosts, just trying to synergise my Brands/escape you supportive .xyz nerds and flea to the cold indifference of the .social mainstream
I think I can erase my mastodon.social privilege by living among the .xyz people, but I'm fooling no-one and actually it's a little condescending
"And what about you? Remember when you were moving house and you needed someone to help you get the couch down the stairs? Where were the Influencers then eh? Where were the Brands?"
ARE YOU ALL READY FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKING DISNEY MAGIC GOD DAMMIT????
Football isn't coming home just yet, football is staying late at the office tonight. Football's boss has been really riding football to get this project finished, but football can't find time during regular work hours because football has been assigned to supply support to other project teams
600 words on why the England/Belgium game is a metaphor for Brexit on my timeline by tomorrow morning
I want you slack
I want you slack
I want you back for good
How games companies present multiplayer chatter in shooters:
W0lf: Contact!
King: Cover me.
Blad3: Frag out!
What actual multiplayer chatter in a shooter sounds like:
Poopbythefoot: You are my fire
Gokudad92: The one desire
X-pacshakur: Believe when I say
All: I WANT IT THAT WAY
I hate being hunted for my luxurious pelt and valuable secretions.
Love to swallow that cream, that incredible white stuff, to feel it splash onto my face, sometimes if it's really hot, straight into my eyes, licking the last of it off and... I'M TALKING ABOUT DRINKING COFFEE YOU PERVERTS, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WEIRD?
It takes a big man to accidently walk into a ceiling fan, get his beard caught in the spindle, and have his head gruesomely torn off and hurled into a fish tank.
Hot take: It use time to rejoin the halves of the sacred amulet.
