“Me and Belle Pt. 2”
@FULLHERO she missed me so much. Had to give her that good head for belated Easter. God I love this girl.
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#relationship
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#autism #dating #actuallyautisic #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
Tracee Ellis Ross, 52, Shares Why She Prefers Dating Younger Men https://www.byteseu.com/942009/ #actor #age #AgeGap #business #BusinessInsider #Cher #lot #MichelleObama #podcast #relationship #ross #ToxicMasculinity #TraceeEllisRoss #WednesdayEpisode #YoungMan #YoungPartner
Tracee Ellis Ross Reveals Why She Prefers To Only Date Younger Men https://www.inbella.com/1006757/tracee-ellis-ross-reveals-why-she-prefers-to-only-date-younger-men/ #CelebritiesTopics #CraigRobinson #MichelleObama #PublicRelationship #relationship #RelationshipStatus #ToxicMasculinity #TraceeEllisRoss
Love is not enough to run a relationship. Relationships require more, such as trust, respect and friendship. Love won't solve our practical problems for us or resolve our fundamental differences either, nor will it align our values.
Replied in thread
LOL, imagine taking #relationship advice from a bunch of obvious #incels.
In many ways, I'm very grateful to have found my husband 9 years ago. I just wish he had empathy, was caring and kind, wasn't abusive, and was articulate. Hmmm, much like many people seem to be here in the Fediverse.
Alas, that wasn't meant to be, and unfortunately I've realized these are deal-killers to my happiness that thwarts me from being the best human I can be.
So looking forward to being on my own again in less than a month (with my trusty Belle girl at my side), allowing me to be the human I want to be.
Continued thread
La consommation de porno a de véritables répercussions psychiques et neurologiques chez celui ou celle qui en regarde !
En effet, ses effets sont néfastes pour la santé mentale ainsi que la vie sexuelle de son public.
pros and cons of dating me are surprisingly both my mouth
Replied in thread
How to make a date feel like a job interview.
Revertron 
Most of this is word-for-word, but there's some truncation in the conversation for the comic format, and one added line from me since I didn't actually hear her laughing at the time.
I love you @MavenAndFriends ! Thank you for everything.
Longer description for how and why this came to be on my FA and Eka's submissions.
Non-monogamous as happy in their love lives as traditional couples – study
Researchers say findings ‘challenge myth’ about monogamy while also showing no significant gap in sexual satisfaction
The Guardian · Non-monogamous as happy in their love lives as traditional couples – study
Dating App's Impact on Modern Relationships https://chat-to.dev/post?id=VTJERjBhRCtrSzI0SWtKYjRyNHh5UT09 #dating #app #programming #relationship #developers
Last boost, this is great, I firmly believe that when it comes to #marriage or any #relationship, the government or anyone doesn't have the right to get in to peoples' business in the slightest, whether it be that they are in a relationship, the bedroom, whatever, the fact the government thinks it has the right to police peoples' relationships because they are Same-sex is actually insane and should be abolished everywhere.
I run a local singles group on Facebook and have been posting "conversation prompts" every few days to get people chatting.
This is how that's going...
"We now have the bizarre situation that anyone with any sense can see that #America is no longer a reliable #partner […] It's also not easy to realize that our #relationship with America is over after 80 years. […] So stop #surrendering our #society to America. Have the #courage to use #different #software and #services. Even if it takes some getting used to.” — Bert #Hubert
https://berthub.eu/articles/posts/you-can-no-longer-base-your-government-and-society-on-us-clouds/
Bert Hubert's writings · It is no longer safe to move our governments and societies to US clouds - Bert Hubert's writings
More from 
bert hubert 
Replied in thread
The alt is missing, which is enough to not boost, but a reply will do and might help others, since it’s only text:
> The sixth love language is when someone works on themselves so their baggage does not becomenyour burden.
Do you have friends that feel like family? I sure do. And one of them was just diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and starts treatment April 1. This is for my "sister" of 43 years!
ART
https://fineartamerica.com/featured/family-we-choose-friendship-art-sharon-cummings.html
