#CW: talk of abuse, control, and food.
This morning at breakfast my partner apologized for leaving the heel* of the bread loaf for me, and I was reminded of how much my ex used to control my eating.
*there was another loaf thawing, so I could have easily eaten that instead of the heel.
I used to get a "talking-to" for:
- eating the last of anything my ex might want.
- not eating the last of anything my ex didn't want.
- asking for things I wanted (like Swiss cheese**).
- cooking something for myself that they liked.
- cooking something for myself they didn't like.
- not cooking things just the way they liked.
- eating "too much".
- being "too thin".
**earlier in my relationship with my current partner, while we were at the grocery store, they asked if there was any cheese I wanted. I said "I like Swiss" as I broke down crying, following up with "but I'm not really allowed to get it".
My current partner is amazing, and my ex is my ex for a lot of good reasons, and I'm happy-sad crying a bit this morning, and I just want anyone who this list resonates with to know they aren't alone—that's abuse, plain and simple—and you can get out too.
Here's some info on coercive control (just ignore the ad for BetterHelp, because fuck them):
https://psychcentral.com/health/coercive-control