#2412 1/100,000th Scale World 

The floor should be slightly curved, but we haven't figured out artificial gravity yet, so for now we just added a trace intoxicating gas to the air that messes with your inner ear and gives you a sense that the ground is tilting away from you.

#2411 1/10,000th Scale World 

OCEAN PLAY AREA RULES: No running, no horseplay, no megatsunamis, and no trying to pry the wreck of the Titanic off the bottom.

#2410 Apple Growers 

Hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll be able to resume our apple-focused updates, because we have SO MUCH to say about Cosmic Crisp.

#2409 Steepen the Curve 

1. Flatten the curve. 2. Steepen the curve. 3. Hang out.

#2408 Egg Strategies 

Neutral Evil is for people who like keeping the weight nicely centered in the carton, but also hate everyone else who wants that.

#2407 Depth and Breadth 

A death-first search is when you lose your keys and travel to the depths of hell to find them, and then if they're not there you start checking your coat pockets.

#2406 Viral Vector Immunity 

We've secretly replaced this customer's instant coffee with our patented substitute. Let's see what she ... uh oh, I think she spotted us through the window. Now she's getting something from the closet ... oh jeez, she has a sword! Run!!

#2405 Flash Gatsby 

Protip: At midnight your excuse for not having read The Great Gatsby can switch from "I'm worried about violating copyright" to "I think my copy requires Flash."

#2404 First Thing 

Then I'm going to go on a weeks-long somatic hypermutation bender, producing ever-more targeted antibodies, while I continue to remain distanced and follow guidance from public health authorities.

#2403 Wrapping Paper 

Wow, rude of you to regift literally every gift that you or anyone else has ever received.

#2402 Into My Veins 

"Okay, for the last time, the shot is free, so we can't--" "Shut up and take my money!"

#2401 Conjunction 

The IAU is sad to announce that at 00:39 UTC on December 22nd, Jupiter and Saturn did unfortunately come into contact, and appear to have blooped together.

#2400 Statistics 

We reject the null hypothesis based on the 'hot damn, check out this chart' test.

#2399 2020 Election Map 

There are more Trump voters in California than Texas, more Biden voters in Texas than New York, more Trump voters in New York than Ohio, more Biden voters in Ohio than Massachusetts, more Trump voters in Massachusetts than Mississippi, and more Biden voters in Mississippi than Vermont.

#2398 Vaccine Tracker 

*refresh* Aww, still in Kalamazoo. *refresh* Aww, still in Kalamazoo.

#2397 I Just Don't Trust Them 

I believe in getting immunity the old-fashioned way: By letting a bat virus take control of my lungs and turn my face into a disgusting plague fountain while my immune system desperately Googles 'how to make spike protein antibodies'.

#2396 Wonder Woman 1984 

'Wait, why would you think a movie set in 1984 would do drive-ins as a retro promotion?' 'You know, 80s stuff. Drive-in movies. Britney Spears doing the hustle. Elvis going on Ed Sullivan and showing off his pog collection.' 'What year were you born, again?'

#2395 Covid Precaution Level 

It's frustrating to calibrate your precautions when there's only one kind of really definitive feedback you can get, you can only get it once, and when you do it's too late.

#2394 Contiguous 41 States 

Linguists, settling some inscrutable grudge, have been steadily sneaking more backdated synonyms for 'sharing borders' into the dictionary. They've added 'contiguous,' 'coterminous,' 'conterminous,' and next year they're adding 'conterguous.'

#2393 Presidential Middle Names 

The bottom of the list remains unchanged. Poor Rutherford Birchard Hayes.

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