DongleMan @peemee@mastodon.xyz

What do you call a German man during the knockout stages of the World Cup?

A referee.

How to improve a panna cotta dessert: freeze it.

My dog's just woken me up to go for a poo.

I told her "I'll damn well poop when I want, thank you very much".

I was walking down the road when I suddenly questioned..

Who picks up a guide dog’s shit?

@peemee She’s gone. My aunt stepped on a rainbow just after 7 pm last night.

Living in Australia with a few dozen cousins derived from a Catholic marriage of our grandparents means the various relatives are scattered over several states & internationally.Living
I only see my cousins at funerals & I fear there'll be another such "reunion" shortly because Mum's 89-yr-old sister isn't expected to live much longer.

Hilarious, isn't it? Dongleman buys a dongle & has to return it because it's not as described on the website & offers some good connectivity & some bad.

Bought a cheap Thunderbolt 3 hub/dock with 7 ports on it: HDMI; USB-C; Thunderbolt 3 (pass-through charging); microSD & standard SD card slots plus two USB 3·0 ports.Bought

Lying cunts.

I have instigated the return process & ordered a different unit because the alleged USB 3·0 ports show up in the Mac's System Information app as supporting a maximum of 480 Mb/sec which is the USB 2·0 specification.

No supporting documentation or instructions were included, either.

SCUMMY RETAILER.

Little Red riding hood found in a critical condition.

Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she's not out of the woods yet.

My wife has left me because I'm too insecure...

No, wait she's back...

She was just making a cup of tea.

My son has just come home with a settee and two chairs.

I'm fuming!!

I've told him not to accept suites from strangers!

The lottery gives you a 1 in a million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.

Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

Once an old maid from Dundee
Was raped by an ape in a tree.
The offspring was most horrid
All arse & no *forehead
Four balls & a purple goatee.

This Limerick relies on the realisation that 'forehead' is NOT pronounced as it appears but as 'forr-ed.'

Wife says I should treat my haemorrhoids, but I don't think they deserve it.

A lot of people out there are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

My cat Schrödinger spends a lot of time in his box. Not sure what he's up to in there.

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the World. Then he made the Earth round... and he laughed and laughed and laughed. ..

Charging test: Lightning cable connected between iPhone SE and USB-C to USB-A adaptor which is plugged into the MacBook Pro’s 61 watt charger.
No excessive heat buildup - yet.

100% battery & more than 10 hours remaining? Nice.

I have two other Mac laptops designed for 10 hours of battery life but that was by using two 5-hour batteries, the extra one being in the multi-device bay. They are G3 "Pismo" models from 2001.

A very simple task eluded my capability last night: reach about 1.2 metres across a table and pick up an errant paper towel.
My injured back let me down, impossible to bend to that extent.