i was sexually assaulted in college, two guys held me down and digitally penetrated me. contrary to stereotype, i dont get PTSD flashbacks to this at all. i ended up having a weird fixation with having my fiancé (now ex) recreate parts of the assault in bed, so it made me kinkier? somehow. it slightly bothers me that my assailants turned a terrifying a humiliating experience into something i want to do in bed that i never cared about before. fuckin mind control
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incidentally it was this experience that drove home to me just how much more physically powerful cismen are than ciswomen. it made me see men in a different light. ever since then in a bored moment i look at my cismale friends and coworkers and think “they could flip out and break my bones easily and i wouldnt be able to do shit.” i dont know if a lot of guys actively consider just how much more powerful their upper body strength is. but i do