every time i hit “raise concern” in upsource what i really mean is “blam this shit”

i havent plucked my eyebrows in months and yet they remain immaculately groomed. i guess at some point after 15 years of yanking the follicles there were just like fuck this im out

me, on my deathbed: [inaudible]
my large adult son, crying: yes, mother, what is it?
me, in his ear: ....works....on my machine..... [dies]

Uh I just got an idea for an infographic I want to make. Tell me where you live and what the typical residential window covering is. here pictured: plastic blinds in my bedroom window in Texas

the main benefit of PEP-8’s 79 character limit is it lets me have 6 windows of code open at once, which makes me seem very smart, despite the fact that I sometimes show up to work with my shirt on backwards

I swear to Christ my ubuntu box locks up more than my windows 10 one does ffs

sometimes i stop to think about how in the animal kingdom, our ability to sweat like, a lot, is our mutant superpower

I just realized that the survival techniques we develop after years in corporate are the same behaviors of a person who has been in an abusive relationship except our corporate coping skills are actually healthy because every future corporate relationship will be abusive

‪one of the people to whom I partially owe my current career success was the director of devops when I was a manual QA in a .NET shop. I hardly saw him but he once saw me making tools in VB in 2014, lol’d hard, and declared VB to be banned, forcing me to learn C# instead‬

Explaining inheritance to my mentee makes me realize how insane we all sound to non-devs
“So the child has all the functions of the parent, but if one isn’t completely overwritten, it throws an error. No, no, that’s not a bug. I did that on purpose”

literature nerds are hilarious because they act just like fantasy or sci-fi nerds but without the self-awareness

[opens facebook for the first time in literal months]

[sees 100 notifs]

[closes facebook]

I never go to partner.steamgames or partner.steampowered when I want to access their tools on the first try. It’s like inserting a USB

baby boomers: dont have sex
millennials: ok

baby boomers: no not like that!

I have too many siblings to reliably remember all their ages but I do remember how many years apart we are so if I must know their age for something I just do the math. This leads to unfortunate moments like “no, he can’t be 21 yet because that would make me....oh no....”

i have a corolla s which is the car you get when you want to tell the world i may be boring and i may be in denial about it, but im also, well, no that pretty much covers it

if you aren't AAA no one cares about your game, not the publishers, not the platforms, not your friends, not your family. no one will buy it. no one will play it. if you aren't in this because your all-consuming obsession would make it more painful not to be, what are you doing?

Slam Fighter II is a rhythm typing game in the style of early 90’s arcade fighting games where you win by typing real insults to the beat. It’s $1.50 for the next six days! store.steampowered.com/app/708

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