"Goddamit, Balthagor!" I snarled in the angriest voice I could muster while still whispering. "I can't go on another adventure! I have a family now!"

"Andromar needs you once more, David. Andromar needs a hero." Balthagor stated, and then sipped the frothing bud light that Jane thoughtfully left for me to relax with when I came home.

"Did you eat the whole goddamn fridge?!" I yelled as I saw the piles of dirty dishes resting on the kitchen table. "Wizards are assholes!"

"Are you kidding me, David?" Jane shouted. "Yesterday our guide was Balthagor, the most powerful wizard in Andromar. I don't even know who the fuck this is!" Her eyes were aflame as she pointed with deadly anger at the newcomer.

With seemingly no awareness of our presence, the stranger continued vomiting shining liquid into his grotesque mug. My stomach turned, not at the sight in front of me, but at the prospects of the day to come.

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"'Ello there, little ones." Said the ogre in cockney accented English for some reason. Its impressive stream was cascading down on to the mossy forest floor expelling musty heat in our direction.

"Christ," Muttered Jane. Using a hand to rub her tired eyes.

"You 'ere to watch then?"

"We mean only to pass the Old Boarwood, mighty one." Said Balthagor, stepping forward to address the creature.

"Now might be your only chance. Couple more minutes and I'll be empty, then we'll have'ta fight."

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@MrJimmy I read the first two words of this and I refuse to read on just in case it's not Blergo / @root slash fiction

@MrJimmy this is the one wizard who's ass I won't kick. Seems cool imo

@MrJimmy ok that's one more wizard who's ass I'll spare. I'm 80% sure I've already met this guy at a party once.

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