One thing about me is I'm always thinking up new baseball rules to make the game more exciting AND terrible

• the shortstop should be on stilts
• sand traps and water hazards in the outfield
• one player on each team is secretly trying to get the other team to win
• pinch hitting must be done by the team mascot
• if you hit a home run you have to play the rest of the game in a special hat that blows bubbles
• if you hit two home runs you have to play the rest of the game blindfolded, also you're wearing the bubble hat

@Louisa what if every player had to carry an egg in their pocket and if it breaks the other team gets a run?

Twitter link, sorry 

@Louisa @Taweret

An alleged Finnish baseball diamond with an outfield water hazard

@Louisa @Taweret From the fun rabbit hole of Finnish baseball (Pesäpallo) rules, look at this diamond, the official baseball diamond of Finland. This looks like good chaos that US baseball needs

@esvrld @Louisa @max @Taweret im not gonna play some eldritch-ass version of baseball that has non-euclidean geometries, get the hell outta here with this >:|

@breakfastgolem @esvrld @max @Taweret this field is so skewed to one side, what if you're left handed?

@Louisa @Taweret Also, Pesäpallo is apparently the NASCAR of Finland. Look at these jerseys!

@Louisa The Normal Person can not also be the person trying to get the other team to win

@witchfynder_finder if the normal person hits a HOME run they win a free house

@witchfynder_finder @Louisa tradition in the 9th inning to give up a run to the normal person if they haven't already won their house

@witchfynder_finder @Louisa

There used to be a rule that if not enough of your players showed up to make a full team, you could draft someone from the audience.

(But if your player later showed up, you could not sub him in. You were stuck with the audience member the whole time.)

Every time I go to a ball game, I secretly hope that rule is still in effect.

@witchfynder_finder @Louisa

Just imagine! A player bus gets stuck in traffic, or the whole team tests + for COVID. The manager walks out to concede, but the umpire pulls him aside and says "You know, there's still an old rule on the books..."

@Louisa this is 100x more entertaining

source: used to work in sports thing, it sucked. one of the worst sports by a notable margin


every third game played on ice skates

if the game is tied after 9 innings, both teams are assessed three losses in the standings

bored umpires can declare a bonanza inning where there's a batter at each base and the pitcher can throw wherever

some bats are secretly piñatas and whoever eats the most candy when it breaks gets to wear a sparkly glove and MC Hammer pants

@Louisa my irl friends hate it when I do this you have no idea how thrilled I was to see your post

@DelphineUnseen lol it's fun! The line between real sports rules and fake ones seems arbitrary, why is stealing allowed?!

@Louisa @DelphineUnseen probably because they forgot to make a rule against it and then went "oh hey that's neat"

@Louisa Is it legal to hang a net or tarp between the shortstop's stilts.

@Louisa These are amazing. You have my vote for baseball commissioner.

@Louisa everyone in the infield has a squishy ball and whenever a batter hits a foul ball with two strikes, they have to run for first without getting hit by infielders throwing balls at them

@Louisa Mutant League Baseball with spikes, bear traps, and rage virus fueled fans. Who are let out after the seventh inning stretch. Players left alive will be allowed to finish the game.

@Louisa look up Pesapallo, the national sport of Finland

and here's your water hazard

@Louisa @PsyMar I think having a river along the right field line should definitely be a thing

@Louisa I’m so glad I’m not the only person who does this. I do this with all sports. For golf, there are hawks and eagles who try to steal the balls and drop them in random places. For NASCAR races, one car drives backwards Mad Max style and tries to swipe other cars. It’d be such an awful improvement.

@deneb I'm all for high effort, confusing, dangerous improvements

I'll bet not one of those so-called "professional" baseball players has made their own bats.

When I'm Commissioner of Baseball, I'll make that mandatory. No store-bought bats.

@apLundell every bat must be homemade, have a name, and burned ceremonially upon your retirement

@nsmckinnon @apLundell training camp will include fundamentals, team dynamics, and an apprenticeship with a skilled woodworker

@Louisa @apLundell Once upon a time players would order custom bats for bunting or Baltimore-chopping purposes. No reason why we can’t do that again.

@nsmckinnon @apLundell a bunting bat must really tip the other team off about the bunt though huh 🤔

@Louisa @apLundell Yeah, but since these are the 1880s-1890s we’re talking about, some guys bunted/chopped *every* at-bat—and unless the batter was ridiculously slow, the only way to really defend against that was to move your basemen in so far that they became useless for their actual positions.

The original Orioles (now the Yankees) became famous for doing this (hence Baltimore chop), which is why every other team spent the decade calling them cheaters.

@Louisa @nsmckinnon @apLundell that's why you need a concealed bunting bat that's sheathed inside a normal-looking bat; you dramatically fling away the sheathe to do the bunt, shocking your opponents

@infernusgoatus @Louisa @apLundell this rules because IIRC the bunting bat was a big flat blade, so it’d presumably fold out of the normal bat like, well, a bat unfurling its wings

@Louisa this is the best! Thank you for my morning giggles.

This baseball fan with an appreciation for the absurd!

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