theres only one place on my mind: Fucktown, USA

aah, new york. the windy city! the city of angels. old nick. beantown. the city that care forgot. the biggest little city in the world. they say this city don't sleep, but baby, we're gonna kiss her good night

@pig @Louisa my phone wants to autocorrect Louisa to Louisiana EVERY time, and Im like "stop it, she's real"

@Louisa come visit me! I will absolute shoot you with a lightning arrow from horseback and then hangglide in to loot your corpse

@Louisa the trick is I have to like a whole album, which never happens, and I have to feel like it has a cohesive geographical mood

Breath of the Wild AS ALWAYS/music choices Show more

Wow these high-waisted jeans look bad but they feel great, this is the descent

i will never be canceled and i will never experience natural death, eat my shorts.

I loaded a roll of grip tape into my old cassette deck and it revealed to me the secrets of the ultimate kickflip

I lucked into the best way to assign people things, I just told them to go look up their birthdays here en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/French so they could assign things to themselves, the perfect crime (also today is Spurge-Laurel day(?))

forced to abandon my business when my "100% Real Carl" is proven in laboratory tests to be upwards of 70% Fake Carl

*trying to flirt* so you wanna go to fucktown

me: swipes "that sounds awful"
phone: "that sounds awesome"
me: get your shit together, I said "awful"
phone: "awesomeness"
me: that's not even a word, fuck you

whenever a politician is crafting a new policy initiative, their team asks, "how will this play in Fucktown, USA?"

it turns out that the girl i had a crush on was actually just a stick of dynamite in a dress with a face drawn on it. still gonna try to make it work tho

"read this and i'll assign you a word from the dictionary", i post, chuckling to myself. little do the people replying and engaging realise, i have in actuality created a bot to reply automatically. like icarus i fly like a bird, but my wings are not wax; they are python scripts. but i fly too high, and i am defeated by the sun -- my bot assigns someone a racial slur

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