Spawn (1997)

Ebert: I don’t care what anyone says, John Leguizamo is way more twisted than the Joker and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Siskel: *slowly shaking his head* What has happened to my sweet boy Eebs?
Ebert: The Joker doesn’t even fart! I’m not sure he even has an ass! How twisted can he be if he is unable to fart?

Godzilla (1998)

Ebert: Emmerich even put in comic relief that are direct caricatures of us, but did nothing with it. Why couldn’t he have our characters attacked by Godzilla?
Siskel: I would’ve loved to see Godzilla swallow us whole.
Ebert: I wanted Godzilla to step on me.
Siskel: Just us falling down his meaty and juicy mouth.

Carnosaur (1993)

Ebert: I think that Spielberg will deliver higher quality dinosaur action with next month’s Jurassic Park.
Siskel: True, but will Spielberg have the GUTS to feature women giving birth to dinosaurs? I think not.

North (1994)

Ebert: I hated this movie! Hated hated hated hated hated this movie! Hated it! Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it!
Siskel: Go off king!

Babe: Pig in the City (1998)

Siskel: What this sweet pig has taught us is that we need to abolish ICE.
Ebert: The eventual death of every Director of ICE should be cause for celebration.

Benji the Hunted (1987)

Siskel: It’s just a boring kids movie with an uninteresting
Ebert: Well I think it’s a fine kids movie with a very, VERY good dog
Siskel: You know what fuck you I hate Benji. He’s lame, he sucks, Benji can go fuck himself.

Crash (1996)

Ebert: David Cronenberg is just saying what we’re all thinking. I mean who wouldn’t want to fuck a car
Siskel: *sitting silently with his mouth agape*

Babe: Pig in the City (1998)

Siskel: What this sweet pig has taught us is that we need to abolish ICE.
Ebert: The eventual death of every Director of ICE should be cause for celebration.

Crash (1996)

Ebert: David Cronenberg is just saying what we’re all thinking. I mean who wouldn’t want to fuck a car
Siskel: *sitting silently with his mouth agape*

Benji the Hunted (1987)

Siskel: It’s just a boring kids movie with an uninteresting
Ebert: Well I think it’s a fine kids movie with a very, VERY good dog
Siskel: You know what fuck you I hate Benji. He’s lame, he sucks, Benji can go fuck himself.

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